Archives for posts with tag: forgiveness

A Safe Place

There is this line in the song
…looking for one safe place…
That triggered my thoughts.

Marc Cohn – One Safe Place Lyrics

How many roads you’ve traveled
How many dreams you’ve chased
Across sand and sky and gravel
Looking for one safe place

Will you make a smoother landing
When you break your fall from grace
Into the arms of understanding
Looking for one safe place

Oh, life is a trial by fire
And love’s the sweetest taste
And I pray it lifts us higher
To one safe place

How many roads we’ve traveled
How many dreams we’ve chased
Across sand and sky and gravel
Looking for one safe place

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned. Maya Angelou

I think every human on the planet will admit our basic physical needs are for food, water, sleep, and warmth. I believe the needs close to those basic needs is the need for safety and security.

safety

Every child should have a safe place in their life. Joe Manchin
There is a place of reconciliation.
There is a place for forgiveness.
AT least for those that want it with the person/s who has abused you.

There is a place where you have never spoken the truth about the abuse with the abuser.

There is a place where you can pretend a normal relationship with the abuser and pretend it never happened but as we get older that plays havoc with your body and mind and emotions. You will gradually get sicker and sicker. Your spirit and psyche will become more disturbed.

No man or woman on the face of this earth can ignore it forever without suffering for it.

Some say a safe place may be where we live or maybe in whom we live.

I believe a safe place is compiled of many things and if either is damaged we could live in a non-safe zone. Safety is required where we live, how we live, where we were raised, and in whom we trust in our spiritual safety.

For me spiritual safety is simple I walk the path knowing that the creator God is behind me, before me, in my footsteps.

Where I live is fairly simple most of the time. I trust that my immediate family will be respectful and loving. Will protect me when I’m sick. Will see that I am cared for in my aging process and probable death. My husband and I try to keep working to maintain a safe home.

How I live is sometimes Dicey but I simply apply some honest cardinal rules that assist in living safe. My spiritual beliefs flow into how I live which actually protects me and I am free to be as creative and excited about living and learning. The How helps me to be loving albeit I sometimes lose my patience with people but I try to keep the what I consider to be spiritual fruits before me and make it my life long goal to daily work at each of them. Namely; love, temperance, peace, joy, goodness, gentleness, patience, self-control and kindness. Of course they are worthless if I did not continue to do service for others and acts of grace each day.

I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. This would give credence to spiritual security.
 
I saved this one for last; Safety in where [how] we raised.
I have made peace with the person/s that have abused me in my childhood. I have forgiven long ago and I have done all I could to make things right. Some would say then that’s the end of it. It’s all over now.

No.

I feel I must speak about abuse, be an advocate, educate about abuse, help those who neglect or cannot seek for recovery.

The door to safety hinges on our common sense.

When safety is taken from a child it messes up adult safety.
How we raise our kids is imperative to their safety, to their emotional safety, their spiritual safety, their growth, their whole humanity.

Nothing is too difficult for a creator God to help us to handle. It doesn’t mean you will bypass the necessary steps of hard work to healing.

One encouragement I would give: start a journal, write, talk about the pain. It will start the journey to healing.
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“We attach our feelings to the moment when we were hurt, endowing it with immortality. And we let it assault us every time it comes to mind. It travels with us, sleeps with us, hovers over us while we make love, and broods over us while we die. Our hate does not even have the decency to die when those we hate die–for it is a parasite sucking OUR blood, not theirs. There is only one remedy for it. [forgiveness] Lewis B. Smedes – Forgive & Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve

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All the years you have waited for them to “make it up to you” and all the energy you expended trying to make them change (or make them pay) kept the old wounds from healing and gave pain from the past free rein to shape and even damage your life. And still they may not have changed. Nothing you have done has made them change. Indeed, they may never change. Inner peace is found by changing yourself, not the people who hurt you. And you change yourself for yourself, for the joy, serenity, peace of mind, understanding, compassion, laughter, and bright future that you get.” –   Lewis B. Smedes – The Art of Forgiving: When You Need To Forgive And Don’t Know How

*
“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.”    —Lewis B. Smedes

Talking about abuse helps.

I Turned 60 Christmas 2012 and I have so much to learn. All I know for sure I have to keep loving the best I can and then learn some more and then loving the best I can.

ShootingStars

I am
sojourner of truth
on the path
not sauntering
a racer
in
the
race of my life
where to you ask?
to the golden streets
to the tree by the river eternal
musical realm
it’s heaven
a place
i want to be
every step every sprint
every movement
through earth
is like a shooting star
to my destiny
but
between
here
and
there
no looking back
a time to prepare
learn love
share love
now..©

Beverleyhoyles
May 6, 2013

feet first for print FINAL

Thanks for reading my bLoG!

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Day 29 of my 30 Day Thankfulness Challenge; I am thankful for the essence of Family.  😀

Family for me; includes parents, brothers and sisters, caregivers, extended family of my spouse, sons-in law’s and daughter-in law’s family, people I have met that are now a part of my family, people from different churches, even pets, and people from the most unusual places such as Facebook.  For friends that have stayed faithful  to me through many years are all really family. For others there are blended families and many more complexities form families.

The key to any family is to love lavishly. Care cuddles, provide safety and comfort for each member. Kids thirst for parental acceptance — they long for their mother and father to reinforce their worth. Parental priority is to purpose in guiding each child’s emotional life.

If a parent fails here and reinforce a dysfunctional family by any type of abuse or trauma or neglect or suppression that child’s life is changed forever.

Being parents or leaders of a family is God-given with an important duty to meet a child’s need for affirmation. First and foremost is to pour blessing not cursing upon your child.

God has given mother and father but especially mothers the loving, nurturing quality that care for our children – feeding them, dressing them, changing diaper after diaper, it is God who gives them breath so we are not in this alone. God knows the number of hairs on their head and the days of their life.

As I ponder the life of children I am amazed once more by the awesome power of God to give life. I cannot begin to imagine that there is another out there that could love my children, grandchildren more than me except God.  I am comforted on many occasions knowing That God hold them and me in the creator’s hands.

A very important part of the family is forgiveness.  We all need forgiveness at different times.  Some have to forgive normal ordinary things others have to forgive abuse or crime or addiction.

Forgiveness is letting it go, to release.  With all one’s heart/wholeheartedly, freely granting freedom and blessing. Mind you it has little to do with feelings or trust.  It is a decision to let it go, let go of disappointments, let go of hurts and pain, let go of regrets or what we view as justice or what is right.

In abusive relationships the dynamics and healing process is critical.

Lily Tomlin said: To forgive is to give up all hope for a better past.

“There comes a critical time in each person’s life when the truth is accessible. Faced with it, you can either run and hide, denying it, or you can face your truth, accept it, and grow stronger,” wrote Gregory Jantz in Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse.

“While the optimum situation is for both parties in an abusive situation to seek help, Dr. Tim Clinton, President of the American Association of Counselors, insists one person can change the relationship. 

“Change a person; change a relationship,” he says.

Dr. Tim Clinton says that “with professional help—and by following some basic principles you can break the cycle of abuse in your life and begin your healing journey”

I know I have oversimplified 6 of his suggestions but you get the drift.

  • Truth and disclosure is the first step
  • Seek professional help and guidance
  • Set appropriate boundaries
  • Find and maintain healthy relationships by surrounding yourself with a group of people that will support you
  • Do what you can and trust God for added strength
  • Forgiveness is not denying but opens door to healing

In Any Family – Love, respect, kindness, warmth, fun, challenge, learning and affection are some important ingredients in the family. If we’re going to grow and mature in spirit, then we’ve got to grow in love.

Stages of Family

The family is like a human body everyone needs each other, and everyone helps another.

I really want a family atmosphere that will be a center of love, created in such a way that any hurts, brokenness, worry or fear is healed and God is seen always. Plenty of hugs, kindness, tears and laughter given freely.

Pertinent Quotes:

“This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.”

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love”

Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision.”   ― Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice. – Cherokee

Psalmist said, Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.

Continually forgive others. Forgive AT ONCE, not one second later, not one half second later, because if you hesitate to forgive, jealousy comes in the door, than hatred and envy. Forgive instantly as Christ forgives instantly.  Gerontissa Makrina

“When love, acceptance and forgiveness prevail, the church becomes what Jesus was in the world: a center of love, designed for the healing of broken people, and a force for God… One of the greatest services a church can offer a community is to provide a place for people to be brought to wholeness – to be healed physically, spiritually and emotionally… People are fragmented. They are torn. Life doesn’t work for them because they are without Jesus… They need a place to be healed.” (Jerry Cook).

 

We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.  Henry Ward Beecher

People who have good relationships at home are more effective in the marketplace. Zig Ziglar

Charity begins at home, but should not end there.  Thomas Fuller

Proverb  “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.”

Thanks for reading my bLoG!

Day 22 of my recent 30 Day Thankfulness Challenge; I am thankful for love.  😀

On this day I am thankful for love and those that love me back and when love isn’t reciprocated; for those who don’t love me back.

I don’t think I’m that great that you gotta love me; Although the Bible says you gotta love me.  As well all that is good says you should   😀    It is easy to love those that love you and do good to you; welcomes you with open arms and screams with delight upon your arrival.

This world and life iS really a bouquet of roses. Beautiful it sure is with a delightful aroma.

You can also get pricked by the thorns.
Pricked on the stem of it’s beauty. On a deeper level there could be a festered heart wound. It’s indicative of relationships and can be a dichotomy of love and hate.

I will miss you more then I usually do.

Christmas magic dictates love, hugs, family atmosphere.
This Christmas there will be more loneliness for so many this year. I wonder if asking and giving forgiveness would have made the difference.

Love is such an enormous wonderful cloak of protection. What is it about Love that it Eradicates such pain and woe when mixed with forgiveness.

Love also means we are compassionate and truly have the ability to weep with those that weep, laugh with those that laugh. Love gives hope, strength and life.

Day 22 christmaslove

*
Here is one of my poems on Love

love
is who i am
born to love
to give
born to live
in glory, honor
esteem and vitality,
fearfully
and wonderfully
made am i
this is the
portabellow of love
 
but then the giver
of earthly life
started with you
in love,
slowly
tainted the vision
of love i knew
became
sum of all tears
 
realization
true love and fragrance
of acceptance
nutured by god above
giver of purest love,
identity
not based on
your neglect
but on the giver
of life in me
select not
entrust my identity
with you
but creator
has made me perfect
to sit in heavenly places,
essence
with a grateful heart
I am secure
love who i am
now I can
love
you..…©

beverley oct 18, 2012

Pertinent Quotes:

“Though our feelings come and go, God’s love for us does not.” CS Lewis

The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread. ~Mother Teresa

There is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved. It is God’s finger on man’s shoulder. ~Charles Morgan

We loved with a love that was more than love. ~Edgar Allan Poe

You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving. – Amy Carmichael

Here is a video on Love

 

Video of Things to be Thankful for!

http://www.bible-knowledge.com/christianvideos/giving-thanks/

Linus giving Thanks!

http://www.bible-knowledge.com/christianvideos/linusgivingthanks/

Thanks for reading my blog – Beverley

Would you like to check my website http://feetfirst-book.com/

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